What The Hell Is That Smell (Capacity Pt. 25)
OMG. You know the capacity when you’ve reached it. Nobody talks about it but I do. I will. I always will. First the blackout then the brownouts, the roving of lights removed from windows then the smell. Don’t act like you don’t know about it. We all do. It’s a stink that could make gears give up their duties if they weren’t around just to get this job done. Machines won’t stop for the inconveniences of the sensatory. They can always push past where people fail when it comes to the weaknesses of being susceptible to sensation. It’s our fatal flaw and maybe how we got here the first place. We couldn’t handle reality and now look at us living this speculative existence.
A Little Snow Is Good For The Soul (Capacity Pt. 22)
I like it when the world slows down for a bit. When this place goes a little Lake Woebegone for a few months. Snow is the way nature has chosen to scatter its Sandman dust over us folks. Snow puts us a bit more at ease. Into a state of rest – well except when the cabin fever strikes then, it’s positively sadistic. Like the clouds get off on your frustration.
Winter isn’t too long around these parts but it’s certainly long enough. I mean, even one cold day can feel like an eternity. Put enough snow on the ground and you consider a nap your best form of attack. Sleep is a weapon. Sometimes the only way to fight the weather is with somnipunk. Just take a respite from the falling snow and wake up when it’s all over. Hibernation is a powerful thing. It feeds the soul when the body can no longer fight for itself.
Comeuppance Of Age (Capacity Pt.21)
When you’re a kid you have some ideas about how the way the world works. You need to. Every good plan starts with a firm foundation. We go to school with the thought that maybe we’ll learn something that will help us get ahead and get out of this world. Or at least get out of this version of the world.
Then one day we grow up. We don’t know exactly when we’ll grow up but one day we’ll know that we’re an adult. And being adult happens differently for each person. Likewise being a kid never stops for some and being a kid comes with its own subjective understandings.
For me, one day I was a college kid and then I wasn’t. 21 wasn’t easy and it’s been worse since then. My parents ‘died’ one after another when I hit 21 and I’ve been on my own ever since. This is when I started to get a grasp of the capacity and I think I know how it works. That’s when I started rusting. Maybe I’m a hoarder but we’ll need more parts some day. I’m promising you that.
The Big One (Capacity Pt. 19)
I’m more of a garbage picker than a treasure hunter. I don’t expect to find anything too valuable but if you sell enough trash you can eventually buy something that’s really worth something. For me, it’s a bike. It’s a small town but I still need to get around and kind of fast. It took a lot of scrapping out there to put together the money I needed but I did it and I didn’t get caught going in those dumpsters that are off limits to the likes of a ruster like me. Now, it’s onto step number two. I think. I don’t know. I’m not much of a planner but wherever I need to get to next it’ll be a little easier now. See you later slowpokes.
For Real Though (Capacity Pt. 18)
Nobody ever believes anything I say and sometimes I don’t believe me either. I mean, how much can I trust my eyes? I wear glasses and besides I’ve become or maybe I’ve always been that family member that’s a bit off. You know, the one who’s seen too much, heard too much, been in too many odd situations. The one who has a lot of theories but not a lot of proof. Yeah, I’m that person but I’m telling you, I’ve seen some shit. I’m telling you, something is up. Some “strange things are afoot at the Circle K” kind of stuff. What if I told you death isn’t the end? What if I told you I know what those towers are for? Oh, you wouldn’t believe me. You see a high rise and I see a factory. You see apartments and offices and I see where ghosts are made just not in the way you might think. But, never mind, I’ve already said too much and besides you don’t believe me but believe this, if one day you don’t hear from me again be certain somebody somewhere heard me telling you this.
Growing Up Isn’t For Everyone (Capacity Pt. 16)
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from watching TV, well, one thing I’m going to discuss now, it’s that growing up isn’t for everybody. I mean look at all those poor kids who just didn’t pan out as adults. Age is a bitch. That’s the truth that TV has taught me.
Ok, think about it, take your favorite cast of childstars and ask where the hell are they now? Hell, look at your yearbook and ask where the hell are they now.
But, maybe it’s not all grim, some wunderkind grow up to be quite spectacular although not necessarily in ways that they had imagined. Take for example the undisputed king of the Kaiju – Godzilla – you think he always wanted that life? No. Godzilla’s probably sitting around going, “Where the hell is my cul-de-sac under the sea?” I mean, as a little tyke, Godzilla probably just looked up and saw a gleam of light from something. It wasn’t the sun it was something else and wanted to see where the light was coming from. Then one day, some bottomfeeding bastard of a sea creature was like, “what, you’ve never seen a sub before?” And, poor Godzilla was like “no, where do those come from? Are those like sharks?” Before you know it, Godzilla gets to talking to the rays and eels and shrimp and whatnot and learns a bit about people, their technology and how to avoid nets. Godzilla also gets to hearing what the other creatures were saying like how an atomic bomb created a monster. And Godzilla is all like, “I’m not a monster and when I get bigger, I’m going to leave the sea and visit the big city. I bet they’ll love me there.” And well, you know how the story goes after that but see, growing up isn’t for everybody. Wait, being young kind of sucks too. TV hasn’t taught me shit about how to deal with anything. Fuck you TV until next week or next season or whenever the hell you have some real answers for dealing with life.
At Sea (Capacity Pt. 15)
Sometimes a town is like a boat or maybe I just like boats so let me share a little something I jotted down awhile back when I still jotted down some stuff.
Composure kept for the good times can’t be held together as one loses another. The strength now become multiple singulars is outnumbered by factors beyond control. By elements finding new directions from which to attack.
How awake is one when closest to fears of the end? Or, is it instinct as close as one gets to the subconscious, underworld, underside of the psyche? The mind? Stuff of the Self?
There’s always something to be afraid of. More to fear than thought brought to mind.
Crests fall as rain continues. A captain is not known for boosting confidence. Only for commanding emotions to be set aside for necessity of task. For need of one and other intertwined in microcosm of a vessel alone at the whim of water and weather and life incapable of being anything other than what they are – untamed but built for the life being lived. Ready only for instinct and adapting as seamlessly as it seems to outsiders. Observers.