Who Said What To Whom (Capacity Pt. 23)


Who Said What To  Whom (Capacity Pt. 23)

You ever hear some shit that turns your insides to piss and vinegar? Just a few words can suck all the honey out of you if you let and I like to let it. How about you? I need a good reason to be in a bad mood. Without that I’d just be asleep at the wheel, so to speak. I think we all need a little rage in our gas tanks to keep us going but rage is nothing without reason.

So, anyway, I heard well overheard somebody talking the other day and oh sweet Jesus, I wish I could’ve kicked their words right back down their throats but I’m too nice to do that. Or, maybe I just didn’t want to lose a fight with some douchebags that day. On another day, who knows, I have my limits and I’m getting close to the edge. A person just like their town can also reach capacity.

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Weekend Worrier (Capacity Pt. 5)


Weekend Worrier (Capacity Pt. 5)

It’s Saturday  which doesn’t mean a whole lot to lots of folks but I’ve finally reached a point in my life where I don’t have to work weekends anymore. That’s a good enough thing, I think. I wanted it. I pushed for it but I don’t really know why. What am I supposed to do with all this time off? What are the options for wasting time. For killing time? For moving ahead in the action? What’s a weekend but a commercial break? It’s an ad. It’s not the product, the purchase, the end. It’s the means. No, listen to me. Let me put it this way . . . No, never mind I don’t want to talk about economics right now but capitalism. Ok. Now, I’m really done.

But, back to the beginning where I started this, it’s Saturday night. I like to drink. It’s what I do. It’s not a habit or a hobby, it’s a way of being. My worldview is shaped by it. Actually not so much the drinking as the going out to drink. I like bars. I live for the wood and the stools. For the din of words too far away to hear and to hear the memories of those in nearest proximity. To actually become the setting of another’s story. It’s what I do when I can. When I’m not the talker myself. When I haven’t tripped my manic switch.

Some days I just can’t sit still and admittedly, I can’t shut my mouth. I enjoy those times but I know how it affects those closest to me. Not emotionally closest to me just physically closest. I don’t even know who’s emotionally closest to me. Maybe nobody is. Damn, and now I’m getting sort of sappy if not sad.

Dear god, when is it going to be Monday already? I’m ready to return to the fold.

When You Don’t Know Better You Do Better (Capacity Pt. 4)


When You Don’t Know Better You Do Better (Capacity Pt. 4)

When I was young I was alright. I was an okay kid. I did what you’re supposed to do and more. Why not? I was a kid and kids do stuff just because they can. It’s a kid thing, you wouldn’t understand.

But, let’s pretend that you can remember back to being a kid. Think about how different things were when you were younger. What was school like? Were you a good student? I was. I was really good. I excelled, if you will. I always did more than I needed to do. I was that kind of a kid. I just wanted not only to be the best but to be better than everybody else. I thought that kind of stuff really mattered. I thought that school in and out itself mattered but nothing matters. Ok, that’s not true something matters. I’m not a total nihilist. Maybe I’m just a halfhearted nihilist. I think a few things matter that’s why I keep talking to you. I suppose or maybe, one would suppose.

Anyway, when I was a kid, I loved to win. I won the spelling bee and got first place at the science fair. I was class president. The only thing I didn’t win were any kind of popularity contests – so to speak. For all the prizes I got, nobody really liked me and nobody really likes me now either. So, that’s sort of my thing now, I guess.

Nonetheless, let me tell you about that one time when I really excelled. I was always pretty good with math but I never cared too much about philosophy. Morals and ethics aren’t my thing. It’s all about numbers. Perhaps this makes me a utilitarian. I’m not a fan of Keynes or Adam Smith or really anybody except maybe Camus, I can get behind a fair amount of absurdity. Sisyphus makes sense to me considering the current climate of affairs. Anyway, one time back in high school, I started seriously crunching numbers as best an AP calculus kid could and I figured out what kind of potential each certain population had. That is to say, I looked at wages and production vs consumption and I really pondered where this particular town was headed with this type of leadership. I’m not one to call out the top dogs but let’s say I was pretty skeptical about their ideas. Well, the teachers liked my work well enough and my paper was widely circulated and I got some sort of plaque for math and some sort mention for my minor journalistic skills. Thing is though, I wasn’t happy about the accolades and the attention. What if I was wrong? What if I was right? What’s the next administration supposed to do? How do we fix our problems? I have no answers for that and because I don’t have any answers my victory is also a failure. I don’t like working with potential. I like working with real possibilities, probabilities. I want to see real change or let’s not talk about it.

Today, when I wake up, I know not much has changed. The town’s still the same and I’ve had the same job since college. I guess I could’ve gone on to grad school but why bother? What will I learn to help my town? All I know is, as long as I have somewhere to drink and reminisce with somebody like you, everything is alright. We can just talk about the good times. We can’t change the past. It was good or it wasn’t. And, back then when we did’t know better, we did better. We had potential. We wanted change. We liked ideas. It was great. We didn’t consider giving up. And, we didn’t really ever give up but we learned how to work within new parameters. We know how far we can shift a dialectic and not to go too far. You have to be careful about going too far. Look at what happened to Trotsky.

Flash Nano Day 2: Airport (Capacity Pt. 2)


Airport (Capacity Pt. 2)

Some towns lose a restaurant or two then maybe some stores and then the movie theater is gone. Before you know it, the mall is gone. That’s how a town deteriorates. That’s how it goes down hill. But, that didn’t happen around here. In fact, I just saw Dr. Strange down at the Cineplex yesterday. I mean, he’s not my favorite hero or anything like that but I just needed to go somewhere. You know, spend some time at the movies like in that Delmore Schwartz story. I think it was In Dreams Begin Responsibilities.

Anyway, when it comes to movies, I’m not too into fantasy. I guess superfolks are fine but I like something a little more grounded. Well, at least grounded in reality. That is to say, I do like movies about airplanes – seeing as how we don’t have an airport anymore. I’ve never seen an airplane going overhead. Never been up to one up close, so to speak. Everything I know about planes is from magazines and movies. The airport shut down a long time ago back when we first reached capacity. But, every now and again I hear the old folks talking about the old days at the turn of the century back in like ’99 or 2000 when there were planes around here.

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I wonder what it was like to get away into the air and just go. The old folks said they’d been in a plane or two. They were up in the sky, in the clouds and eating peanuts, watching old movies like Trains, Planes and Automobiles with some dead actor. They said in the plane, you had to buckle up when the light came on and stay seated until the plane got into the air and then you could go to the bathroom but other than that, there really was’t any reason to get up. It’s not like the train where there are so many cars and so many people but you could drink on a flight and that sounds just great. I could use a drink right now.

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On an airplane, there are window seats and aisle seats. Which do you prefer? I mean, on a plane, do you want to the world below or do you want to have easy access to get out in case things go awry? If I was on a plane, I’d want to be near the window. What do all those other places look like? What are their capacities? What’s the maximum of the cities spread across the country? Are their buildings taller than ours? What kind of lights do they have? And, besides when you get tired you can put your head on the window and sleep. Sleep is important. Just think about it, you leave here and wake up elsewhere. It’s the dream come true.

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I wonder what the service was like up in the sky. I mean, I hate waiting for refills down here so what was it like up there. I mean, I know nowadays, you don’t always get a full can of Coke but back in the day, what was it like? Were the meals any good? Does food taste different that far up? Let’s really talk about this, like if I was going to have a city in the sky or an airship or something like that, what are the pros and cons of altitude?

I could google it but I’d love to hear the firsthand accounts. I guess I could talk to the old folks but who’d want to do that? Next thing you know they’ll start talking about cassettes and Nirvana and I’m just not into all that.

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I don’t know why the airport was the first thing to go when the capacity was hit but it was. Maybe there’s just not enough traffic to warrant one. This certainly isn’t a tourist trap. I guesses buses and trains are good enough for this place. And realistically, you can drive to a place with planes but it’s not the same not having your own airport. It’s almost like we’re not on the map. We’re not important. Next thing you know, the news’ll be talking about the weather and you’ll have to look for the next closest town to get an idea of how cold it is around here. All a town ever really wants is to be recognized, I think. I mean, I want to say where I live and have folks say, “Oh yeah, I’ve heard of that place.” It feels good to be known. Your place is your place forever even if you get away. For me, I’ll always carry ‘the capacity’ with me no matter where I go. And what will folks bring here? What can visitors bring to us? I mean, if we even have enough room for visitors.

Where’s the furthest away you’ve been? Have you flown before? Did you go over seas? Tell me about it. I haven’t been too far. I can’t seem to save up enough money to get really far away and my folks never did like to travel. I mean, we did little trips, seen some stuff, but never so far away as to feel like we were anywhere really different from here.