Not Yet (Capacity Pt. 11)
One day we will get there but that day ain’t yet.
Not Yet (Capacity Pt. 11)
One day we will get there but that day ain’t yet.
Weekend Worrier (Capacity Pt. 5)
It’s Saturday which doesn’t mean a whole lot to lots of folks but I’ve finally reached a point in my life where I don’t have to work weekends anymore. That’s a good enough thing, I think. I wanted it. I pushed for it but I don’t really know why. What am I supposed to do with all this time off? What are the options for wasting time. For killing time? For moving ahead in the action? What’s a weekend but a commercial break? It’s an ad. It’s not the product, the purchase, the end. It’s the means. No, listen to me. Let me put it this way . . . No, never mind I don’t want to talk about economics right now but capitalism. Ok. Now, I’m really done.
But, back to the beginning where I started this, it’s Saturday night. I like to drink. It’s what I do. It’s not a habit or a hobby, it’s a way of being. My worldview is shaped by it. Actually not so much the drinking as the going out to drink. I like bars. I live for the wood and the stools. For the din of words too far away to hear and to hear the memories of those in nearest proximity. To actually become the setting of another’s story. It’s what I do when I can. When I’m not the talker myself. When I haven’t tripped my manic switch.
Some days I just can’t sit still and admittedly, I can’t shut my mouth. I enjoy those times but I know how it affects those closest to me. Not emotionally closest to me just physically closest. I don’t even know who’s emotionally closest to me. Maybe nobody is. Damn, and now I’m getting sort of sappy if not sad.
Dear god, when is it going to be Monday already? I’m ready to return to the fold.
When You Don’t Know Better You Do Better (Capacity Pt. 4)
When I was young I was alright. I was an okay kid. I did what you’re supposed to do and more. Why not? I was a kid and kids do stuff just because they can. It’s a kid thing, you wouldn’t understand.
But, let’s pretend that you can remember back to being a kid. Think about how different things were when you were younger. What was school like? Were you a good student? I was. I was really good. I excelled, if you will. I always did more than I needed to do. I was that kind of a kid. I just wanted not only to be the best but to be better than everybody else. I thought that kind of stuff really mattered. I thought that school in and out itself mattered but nothing matters. Ok, that’s not true something matters. I’m not a total nihilist. Maybe I’m just a halfhearted nihilist. I think a few things matter that’s why I keep talking to you. I suppose or maybe, one would suppose.
Anyway, when I was a kid, I loved to win. I won the spelling bee and got first place at the science fair. I was class president. The only thing I didn’t win were any kind of popularity contests – so to speak. For all the prizes I got, nobody really liked me and nobody really likes me now either. So, that’s sort of my thing now, I guess.
Nonetheless, let me tell you about that one time when I really excelled. I was always pretty good with math but I never cared too much about philosophy. Morals and ethics aren’t my thing. It’s all about numbers. Perhaps this makes me a utilitarian. I’m not a fan of Keynes or Adam Smith or really anybody except maybe Camus, I can get behind a fair amount of absurdity. Sisyphus makes sense to me considering the current climate of affairs. Anyway, one time back in high school, I started seriously crunching numbers as best an AP calculus kid could and I figured out what kind of potential each certain population had. That is to say, I looked at wages and production vs consumption and I really pondered where this particular town was headed with this type of leadership. I’m not one to call out the top dogs but let’s say I was pretty skeptical about their ideas. Well, the teachers liked my work well enough and my paper was widely circulated and I got some sort of plaque for math and some sort mention for my minor journalistic skills. Thing is though, I wasn’t happy about the accolades and the attention. What if I was wrong? What if I was right? What’s the next administration supposed to do? How do we fix our problems? I have no answers for that and because I don’t have any answers my victory is also a failure. I don’t like working with potential. I like working with real possibilities, probabilities. I want to see real change or let’s not talk about it.
Today, when I wake up, I know not much has changed. The town’s still the same and I’ve had the same job since college. I guess I could’ve gone on to grad school but why bother? What will I learn to help my town? All I know is, as long as I have somewhere to drink and reminisce with somebody like you, everything is alright. We can just talk about the good times. We can’t change the past. It was good or it wasn’t. And, back then when we did’t know better, we did better. We had potential. We wanted change. We liked ideas. It was great. We didn’t consider giving up. And, we didn’t really ever give up but we learned how to work within new parameters. We know how far we can shift a dialectic and not to go too far. You have to be careful about going too far. Look at what happened to Trotsky.
There’s A ‘How To’ For Everything (Capacity Pt. 3)
Anything that can be done can be done a certain way. There are always guidelines and instructions to follow. I’m not saying I know all the rules but I can always be of some service to somebody. Isn’t that the goal of any good neighbor, to be of some service?
I don’t know what kind of world we live in but I do know what kind of town we live in. I was born into it and I’ve made it this far and so can you. In all honesty, so can everybody. We just need to keep it under capacity. But, how do we do that? Well,
Know the limits. Always be aware of the count. Make numbers your number 1 concern. If you can’t learn to add, subtract and multiply then you’re done before you even begin. Look, you’re not a kid anymore. Your parents can’t do the math for you anymore and if you don’t know to do the math yourself then you might just end up being plumb out of parents. And, who wants that?
Now that you’ve familiarized yourself with the numbers, make yourself useful. Like me, I’m here telling you all this stuff. Where would you be without my advice? Likely not here at all so listen up because after I tell you once I have to move onto other stuff, you know? Like, I have a life to live too.
Gather information. Never trust one source. Well, I mean trust me and then look for a second opinion.
Be inconspicuous. You’re going to need be both of some use and yet not stand out too much. That’s how it works. Or, I’m pretty sure that’s how it works. Look, you need to fly under the radar. You can certainly have fun, break a few a rules and enjoy yourself but be careful. Likewise, you can be ambitious. Have dreams. There’s nothing wrong with dreams but again, be careful. Always know the limits. Never forget the first step to living within the capacity.
Don’t smile. Don’t ever act like everything is okay. Depression is par for the course. Enjoy a dilemma. Have a meltdown. Always be a bit under the weather. Be oblivious to the possibilities of optimism. Concern will get you nowhere so if you’re too cool to be melancholy then aim for indifference. Live with it but don’t be happy about it.
That’s all I can really tell you. We’re going to be fine for awhile. We’re not that close but a time might come when they start running the numbers and when that day comes I’m ready for what comes next. Are you? If you’re not then let’s make sure it never gets to that point.
Here’s a link to West Vine Press’ page and an interview I did for Kleftikos radio where I spoke with Frankie Metro about Slow Living.
WEST VINE PRESS BOOK RELEASE DATES (Fall 2016) October 11th. West Vine Press #3 Sampler October 25th. Slow Living by Kenyatta Jp Garcia. November 1st. Poetic Poverty by Andrew K. November 8th. As…
Been rubbernecking. Keeping an eye out for where time took an odd moment to add an extra scar to the road.
The last ditch that took some effort to carve. To assure a certain waylay for someone just needing to get away.
The truth for all its power sets everybody else free but itself. Instead chooses transformation. Settles for concealment. To be protected from witnessing itself.
Can’t turn my back on myself but my back also won’t look me in my face so what good’s a back anyway? If it didn’t come with the body why would anyone even bother having one?
The faults furthered the cause of the tectonic shifts. Line breaks will always be a part of this world. Each side is a stanza. The earth quakes suddenly understanding another version needs to take place. This place.