For Real Though (Capacity Pt. 18)

For Real Though (Capacity Pt. 18)

Nobody ever believes anything I say and sometimes I don’t believe me either. I mean, how much can I trust my eyes? I wear glasses and besides I’ve become or maybe I’ve always been that family member that’s a bit off. You know, the one who’s seen too much, heard too much, been in too many odd situations. The one who has a lot of theories but not a lot of proof. Yeah, I’m that person but I’m telling you, I’ve seen some shit. I’m telling you, something is up. Some “strange things are afoot at the Circle K” kind of stuff. What if I told you death isn’t the end? What if I told you I know what those towers are for? Oh, you wouldn’t believe me. You see a high rise and I see a factory. You see apartments and offices and I see where ghosts are made just not in the way you might think. But, never mind, I’ve already said too much and besides you don’t believe me but believe this, if one day you don’t hear from me again be certain somebody somewhere heard me telling you this.


Like You Have Somewhere Else To Be (Capacity Pt. 14)

Like You Have Somewhere Else To Be (Capacity Pt. 14)

If you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention but what the fuck you gonna do about it anyway? Shit, sometimes you just gotta learn how to begin again or maybe I’m letting the depression speak for me again. You know me, I’m all nullpunk and scattergoth. Lot’s to be indifferent about and even more to be sad about.

So, on days like today where nothing is worth giving a fuck about, I might as well get going. Right? Going’s always better than staying even if going is only for a day. I don’t have any real get up and go but I could go somewhere else for awhile. Stare off into space from another cafe far enough away from here. You ever daydream in a big city? It’s so much better than small town fantasizing.

I remember the last time I really hit the road. I was younger than I am today – obviously. It was long stretch of road between me and where I thought I wanted to be. You know, I just wanted to see the coast. I never saw the other ocean before so I hopped in a bus and hit the highway. Deep down I wanted to leave forever but I always knew I’d end up back here. And, so here I am wanting to get away again. You know, I’m beginning to believe the highway is really just a metaphor for something else. A very real and physical one but a metaphor nonetheless. It stands for something and I have yet to figure out what.

It’s Gotta Be Conducive (Capacity Pt. 13)

It’s Gotta Be Conducive (Capacity Pt. 13)

Who knows where the end is? Who knows if there is only one end or many many more than one might suppose? With so much potential, I figure it’s more worth my while to work on the means. Always focus on all the possibilities. I have fears. Lots of them. Too many to count so I have to stay ready. Or, ready-ish. I’m also kind of lazy.

Being a ruster ain’t the easiest life. It’s risky too but I know some good spots for some scraps. Can make a few bucks on spares and still have some shit left for me and whatever purposes might could possibly arise. You know, each year it gets a little harder. I’ve been doing this for long as I can remember. I’ve always been a halfass hustler. I can do anything for a little while when the mood strikes me. I think there’s a bit of mania inside me. I can be hyper when I need to be. And being broke always brings out the best in me. I’m trying to survive even if I don’t know why.

Anyway, I found this gold chain the other day if you got some loot on you or some shit to trade. I mean, you know what gold is worth these days? It’s a great  conductor or looks good hanging around your neck. Your choice, fashion or function.

Oh, Don’t Do That (Capacity Pt. 10)

Oh, Don’t Do That (Capacity Pt. 10)

Look, there are just some things you’re not supposed to do or talk about. At least, that’s what I’ve been told. My momma tried to raise me right. But, sometimes I do stuff and talk about stuff and talk about doing stuff. I commit a trifecta of taboos.

Look, I shouldn’t even be talking about the capacity but I have to. How can’t I? How can anybody act like we’re not closing in on the day of the blackout. How can people act like they don’t see the roving brownouts? Why isn’t anybody going apeshit over CapCorp Tower 2? Oh, but I’m not supposed to talk about it? And, I’m damn sure not supposed to be drinking on it.

And, you know what, for being a drunk I don’t make a lot of mistakes. I’m pretty good about keeping it calm. Staying chill is sort of my thing but when I go home after a night of drinking, I find myself looking up some stuff. Looking at some stuff I shouldn’t be. I’m not embarrassed about it even if I shouldn’t be doing it. I’m thinking about my future and maybe getting some pleasure out of it.

I like looking at parts. I do a lot looking for spares. I’m a bit of a scrapper and that’s not cool around here. This town doesn’t like us rusters and scrappers always thinking about the good old pieces that might fix this brand new world.

There’s something scary about the new. I’m no sentiment wanker. I don’t fantasize to nostalgia in the wee hours of the night but I’m a collector. What if I have to fix something myself? Imagine the joy I get every time I think I found the right piece?

Carry On (Capacity Pt. 9)

Carry On (Capacity Pt. 9)

Sometimes you wake up into those bad days. Those terrible days and you know you can’t go on. You must go on. You think all your Beckett thoughts while living in a Gogol world.  All you can do is carry on and even the burden of you own head feels like too much. Thoughts weigh more than one ever considers.

I’m hungover. I usually am. I’m coming off of some bad news but that’s how it goes. Nothing much goes my way so I drink. It’s not a cure but sometimes it just works.

Anyway, today I find myself or I lose myself in the aisles. I need something. I probably want some stuff too. I at least need toilet paper. I can go without eating for awhile but sooner (as in right now)  or later, nature will call and I’ll have to go. The bowels will never kowtow to depression. Believe me. I know. Also, beer doesn’t help. I mean, it did last night but now it’s after noon and the coffee didn’t do me any favors either in the downstairs department.

I tell you, every time I come here there’s one less thing I’m looking for and one new thing I don’t care about. Jesus, sometimes I just want it darker. Don’t let me see anything just give me what I need and let me pass away.

It’s Just Like It Was Said (Capacity Pt. 8)

It’s Just Like It Was Said (Capacity Pt. 8)

Sometimes you have to sit back and listen. Those times aren’t always easy but you don’t want to miss a thing. Some things are more important than others. Some statements matter more than others.

Whenever I see a press conference I get worried. Who’s the mark? Who’s going to have to pay for it? Who’s going to feel the pain of the consequences? Every statement has consequences especially when it’s said by somebody with more money than you.


“We, as your city council, have everything under control. There are plans underway to control for all the possible outcomes. We have the best mathematicians and scientists hard at work on the problems. We are working with CapCorp to come up with real solutions to get us through this difficult time and we’re proud to present CapCorp Tower 2 as the first step towards turning this city around.”


I love building up this town but now I’m worried? Why do we need another tower? What kind of solutions are possible? And wait, is the problem that bad? Do I have more to be worried about than I thought? How long have we been going in the wrong direction? What’s the right direction? And how will another tower help?

What A Good Way To Use The Space (Capacity Pt. 7)

What A Good Way To Use The Space (Capacity Pt. 7)

Remember that one time when your world was changed forever? Like literally. Do you remember when the landscape shifted forever? I do. I was seven.  I think. Let’s say I was seven. Well, let me say I was seven, you can say whatever you want when it’s your turn to speak. So, like I was saying before I interrupted myself, I can remember when the tallest building in town went up. It was crazy. Completely bonkers. Everybody was there for the grand opening. We just wanted to see it up close. We wanted to be in it. We wanted to take a look out on our town and see towns far way. We wanted to see the sky on the sky’s level.

Well, I was kid so that’s how I thought about it. I can’t really speak for anybody else and I did sort of have to drag my parents out to see it.  They weren’t too into it. Maybe they knew how it was going to be filled up below the observation decks. Maybe they knew just what this really meant for the town. This was just one of the many steps towards avoiding the capacity. It was a gamechanger for sure but it was and still is a marvel to behold. It’s like some serious Neo-Tokyo Akira-type shit. Fucking fascinating. I like the idea of living in a comic book town. I love our little manga streets. It’s what makes this town so special to me it. It’s totally Metropunk.

But, the one weird thing about this town is the parking. There really isn’t any. I’m no Joni Mitchell and I’m pretty sure I’d know paradise if it was paved and it hasn’t been which is sort of odd. I mean for having such big structure where are all the cars? I’m a walker. My whole family is. We’re some serious pedestrian folks. And when I’m not walking I’m running. I like the ground beneath my feet but I digress. I mean, I like a tangent. For me, it’s very street. It’s all about turning corners and crossing. To get off topic is to switch lanes or something like that which brings me back to the parking lot situation. Let’s merge back into what I’m trying to talk about. Ok,now I’m done.

So, where are the parking lots? Where do the cars go? And, now I have that Arcade Fire song stuck in my head – No Cars Go:

“We know a place where no planes go
We know a place where no ships go
No cars go
No cars go
Where we know

We know a place where no spaceships go
We know a place where no subs go
No cars go”

But seriously folks, I might be a bit conspiratorial but there’s something strange about a place without parking. Am I right? And yet, I love that building. I still see it with those seven year old eyes. It’s something special and besides, what else were we going to do with the space?